This just in: Your dog doesnt feel even a little bit guilty for jumping up on the counter and scarfing down an entire baked chicken. Hes just afraid because youre yelling at him.
The same applies when hes torn up an expensive new pair of shoes or pooped on an Oriental carpet.
Dogs dont really have what human beings would call a conscience. If you leave a baked chicken where they can get it, theyre going to gorge themselves until they cant eat any more, and then barf on the sofa and take a nap in your bed.
Behavioral rules apply only when youre there to enforce them. You dont want Ace and Stanley wallowing around in the bed? Close the bedroom door, or put them in the yard. Otherwise, dogs arent a whole lot more obedient and conscience-stricken than cats just more social and demonstrative.
According to a recent article in The Washington Post by Kelly Conaboy, this is perhaps the main finding of what appears to be the latest academic fad: animal cognition laboratories. Professors are busy designing experiments to determine if dogs feel guilty for misbehaving or are putting on a show to avoid punishment.
One problem, according to Zachary Silver, a canine cognition specialist at Occidental College, is that researchers dont always agree about what those emotions are.
There is, for example, some research that suggests dogs might experience jealousy, Conaboy writes, which is considered a secondary emotion; even neural imaging research that suggests dogs display similar patterns of activation in the brain that humans do when experiencing jealousy. But is that really jealousy? Silver asks.
Me, Id like to know where neural imaging of jealous humans comes from. Stick people in a machine and show them videos of Mommy kissing Santa Claus? With dogs its comparatively easy: He gets a treat, and I dont? As Silver tells the reporter, more research is needed.
Based upon on my own experience of multiple dogs over many years, Id say that where their own interests are concerned, most dogs understand people more than people understand them. Also, they are definitely capable of deception. The family beagle wont leap up on the counter to grab that chicken while somebodys watching. Chances are, you wont even know he can jump that high until your supper disappears.
Dogs are also extremely good at reading each other. At the dog park where I exercise my four every afternoon, people sometimes mistake Aspens barking and feinting as a sign of aggression. Hes a big boy, half-Great Pyrenees and half-husky, so its understandable why people are leery. But Ive never seen another dog misread him. Hes not looking for a fight; he just wants to play.
Even so, theres a purpose behind all that play fighting. When an out-of-control pit bull attacked Aspen in the park a while back, the aggressor left bleeding badly. Hed lunged for the throat and gotten nothing but a mouthful of thick white fur.
Dont get me started about pit bulls. Theyre actually illegal in the city dog park, and they should be.
Which brings up another issue in canine behavioral studies. Breeds of dog arent natural in the ordinary sense of the word. Theyre among the oldest products of human genetic engineering, and kinds of dogs differ immensely.
I also keep two basset hounds stubborn, loving and pretty much happy all the time. Bred to follow game trails in packs, bassets pretty much show no aggression, ever. Theyre also basically untrainable; youll meet a seeing-eye cat before a basset hound.
But if you could isolate the specific neurotransmitters that make them so happy, youd be richer than Elon Musk.
In my experience, individual dogs also differ from one another quite as much as people do. So its important, as the Posts Conaboy understands, not to overthink these things.
When a dog goes to the vet and is displaying behaviors people might call stubborn or dramatic, those behaviors are indicating a negative affective state, one researcher tells her. In plain English, if the dog acts scared, its because the dog is scared. Firm but gentle is the only approach that works. You cant change their minds.
Dog number four at our house is a Cowboy Corgi called Marley. Half-corgi, half-Australian cattle dog, Marley lives to herd other dogs, mostly, because thats what she knows. She and Hank the basset came to us as an inseparable bonded pair. She bosses him around and he obeys because that makes them both happy. She has also taught a couple of dog park regulars to throw a tennis ball for her; I dont play, because it never ends.
All four show up in my office every afternoon at 4 p.m. to lobby for their daily outing. Heres another thing about dogs: They dont need a wristwatch, because they always know exactly what time it is.
Arkansas Times columnist Gene Lyons is a National Magazine Award winner and co-author of The Hunting of the President (St. Martins Press, 2000). You can email Lyons at [email protected].
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